hadthehighground | Folkmore Inbox

I thought you had finished.

[Ingo would very much prefer that his thoughts not be read, if we aren't doing anything constructive in there! Aside from dismissing his feelings as nonsense, apparently.

(Oh Sinnoh, is he going to tell Bo-Katan about all of this?)]

I'm certainly willing to try anything, but I do not wish to take up any more of your time. If you are willing to teach me how, I'm sure I can just proceed on my own.

[Ezra had been keeping silent, not sure that he can contribute more than Obi-Wan had, although he does close his eyes and silently sigh when the older Jedi uses the word 'nonsense'. He agrees very much with the thrust of what Obi-Wan is saying, but that is not the word he would have used.

To be fair to everyone here, Ezra knows convincing someone that self-destructive habits aren't the path forward is difficult.

Ok, here goes-]

Ingo, you are not wasting our time. We are in no rush to get you out our door. We weren't the first time you were here. I, personally, was concerned about you but happy to make sure you had a safe place to stay and food to eat.

Why did you leave? I think - I think maybe we talk through what we actually mean about focus determining reality. If you are willing to honestly answer that.

Edited 2024-05-27 20:12 (UTC)

[Obi-Wan is a bit on edge, and despite his efforts to downplay it. It becomes a bit more obvious as he grimaces and closes his eyes. A hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose as a headache settled in.]

Forgive me, it takes time for me to come down from such efforts. This is not something I regularly do.

[Ingo might as well be shouting his thoughts at the moment. It wasn’t so much that Obi was reading them as that he overheard them.]

And no, I will not tell Bo-Katan.

[He then lets Ezra talk. The Jedi Master falling silent as he breathed deeply like he did when beginning this session. Trying to calm his mind and retreat back into himself.]

[Ingo glances warily between the two of them.]

...well. It is nothing I have not said before. My conduct while I was staying here was absolutely unacceptable. A grown man should not be - lying about all day, forcing others to wait on him hand and foot. And he certainly should not be - throwing tantrums.

[Though no one would have known about that if Bo-Katan hadn't barged into his room in the first place. How was he supposed to keep sleeping there, knowing that she might show up at any time? It wasn't safe.]

[Ezra clocks that headache and uneasiness from Obi-Wan, and makes a mental note to check in more with Obi-Wan in a while. But stays more focused on Ingo.]

You weren't forcing us. It was service offered freely. Your conduct was concerning, because it was clear you weren't....in good health. But I am a healer, I choose to be concerned for, and do things for people who aren't well, regularly. If anyone here found your behavior unacceptable, then - that was a conversation Obi-Wan or I would have had with you. And even then it would have been a balancing of responsibilities. To not give more than we could give without draining ourselves, maybe, or to protect the other people here, if you lashed out at them. But we had no such plans. The only person you were hurting was yourself.

This is what we mean. You felt that you were forcing us to do things for you. That we would or perhaps should think badly of you. Those feelings are real, to you, but that doesn't mean they reflected reality for us. You acted on what you felt to be true and withdrew. You passed judgement on yourself, and that determined your reality.

But that is not the only way things might have gone.

I do not see how anyone could possibly not think badly of me, having witnessed all of that.

[It's kind of them to pretend otherwise, of course. But who wouldn't judge? Ingo's judging himself!]

Even if you somehow did not, I should not take advantage of that pity.

[Ezra blinks slowly; he is not....angry, but he is quietly baffled.]

Which part of I am a healer sworn to service and compassion to the best of my ability, of my own free will, did you not understand? Or do you believe I am lying to your face?

[Ingo blinks at him, also baffled.]

I am not your patient. I am not even injured. You do not owe it to me to excuse bad behavior just because of your profession.

[Breathing in, Obi-Wan opens his eyes and looks at Ingo. A bit more put together now with his headache having calmed a bit as well.]

You came to me with a problem Ingo. So in a sense you are our patient. You do need healing, healing of the mind. That is what we are here for. Those are the services we offer, free to anyone who asks.

[He then pauses thoughtful as something comes to mind.]

Did you read that book?

I did not mean to foist an obligation upon you! I thought this was a one-time attempt!

[It didn't even work!]

I did.

[You know. Obi-Wan is starting to see how Bo-Katan lost her patience with this man. Many might think that he has the patience of a saint, but it was surely being tested right now.]

I would like to think I have the ability to make my own choices Ingo. Helping you was my choice. It was my choice when you first came here. It continues to be my choice.

[A breath.]

And what did you learn from it?

I am in no condition to be living with anyone at all, never mind Emmet. I need to fix whatever is wrong with me.

[Also being able to lock your bedroom door is extremely important to him.]

[Obi-Wan knits his brow in confusion.]

Well, that is what we have been trying to do for you. Though if you want to live alone, I understand. But I don’t advise closing yourself off from people entirely.

Along with meditation, I want you to talk to people. Anyone really. Impose yourself if you must. And reread that book, think about how what it says applies to you.

No, no, back up. This is the book about autism, right?

No, I do not mean the memories. Or at least, not only that.

[He means all the ways he was while he was here. And frankly still is, in a lot of respects, though at least it isn't affecting anyone but himself now.]

Uh - yes, it is? Did you read it also?

[HE shakes his head slightly.]

No, but Obi-Wan mentioned the book. I am...not an expert on the topic of autism. But it has come up in my studies.

[He tilts his head back, thinking.] And perhaps, considering what I do know - we did you a disservice by not being as clear as possible from the moment you came here, about, well, a number of things and coming up with a framework we were all the same page about.

So, yes, I was not...strictly applying the framework of you being my patient, until this conversation about looking into your amnesia. All that stuff about consent and how you could back out - that was medical ethics stuff. But then, Jedi do not, always act strictly as medical professionals. We act in many different capacities, where we come from, the lines can be blurry.

I had...thought the book was Emmet attempting to communicate something about himself.

[Ingo did, admittedly, see several of his own behaviors and habits in there. But - well, he's trying to be less self-centered; he didn't need to make it all about himself again. That way of putting it is helpful, though. He might not have come up with the wording himself, but part of his objection at this being a long-term care situation was just his surprise at finding himself in a role that he genuinely hadn't realized he was apparently signing up for.]

I admit, I had thought "Jedi" was something like the term "psychic". There are some of those back home, though it's an uncommon ability. But it seems to be a sort of job title?

[Ezra gaze darts to Obi-Wan, feeling a little awkward about trying to define 'Jedi', when a Jedi Master - his former master - was right there. But Ezra seems to have made some sort of progress in communicating, at least for the moment, so...]

It's complicated. All Jedi are at least a little psychic, yes. It's a very uncommon ability, on most planets, in our galaxy. And - historically where we're from, for most people, if you met a psychic with much training, they were probably going to be a Jedi, so sometimes people talk like the terms are equivalent.

For us - [He nods towards Obi-Wan.] It's a philosophy, a culture, a way of life, and yes a job, but more...a vocation. We feel called to use our abilities to help people.

Oh, I see. I hadn't realized.

[Ingo knows he probably doesn't really see, but at least he gets the gist. It's a little more like a society of psychics, who all join together to do...whatever it is they do. Helping people in whatever way, evidently.]

It never felt like a good time to really explain.

[What with Ingo being in the state he had been while with them and all.]

[Shrug. That’s fair.]

Well, I ought to have asked!

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