Empatheias IC Inbox

[hadthehighground]

Need to talk with Obi-Wan privately via amulet or want to physically meet him somewhere? This is the place to do it!

Just post with the IC date and the type of post (audio, video, action, etc) in the subject line. If it's an action post please put the location as well.

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[hadthehighground]

Perhaps, but it's because of me that she got involved in something she had no hand in.

[Satine had been caught in the middle. Between Obi-Wan and Maul's desire for revenge. It shouldn't have been that way.]

She didn't deserve that.

And yet... I'm glad she didn't have to see the fall of her people and the rise of the Empire.

[sithkabobed]

It's something to take comfort in.

[Qui-Gon falls silent, unsure of what else to say. His policy has always been to speak what was on his mind and heart, but both are filled with sadness for Obi-Wan. So, he works with what he has and reaches over to place his hand on Obi-Wan's.]

She wouldn't want you to hold onto this heartache.

[hadthehighground]

I thought I had moved past this, Master.

[His voice was again quiet. Unsure, and heavy with grief.]

It's this place, it brings everything to the surface. Embracing my feelings is something I've been striving for. And yet, its difficult at times.

[sithkabobed]

Remember where we come from, Obi-Wan. We've undergone decades of training and lecture in how to repress and release emotion. That isn't a mindset easily changed, despite your willingness to do so.

[He avoids delving into his many disagreements with how the Jedi Order handled matters of the heart. Obi-Wan already knows all too well how Qui-Gon feels about such things, and there's no need to beat a dead space horse.]

This is an arduous road, like the many others you've already traveled. Don't rush your progress and allow yourself the time to think about how you feel and why you feel that way.

Only then will you be able to heal. Only then will Satine truly become a source of courage and rather than only pain.

[hadthehighground]

I know.

[And bit did he know. He was a champion for sticking to the Jedi code after all. Letting go of it was difficult and painful no matter how necessary it was. He wasn't even sure he could completely change his ways in whatever amount of time he ends up spending here.

He then nodded slowly as he considered Qui-Gon's words. He was right of course. But as always it was easier to say as much than put into practice. Obi-Wan fell quiet for a few moments, and put down the darksaber.]

She loved me, Master. Up until the very end.

...

And yet I could never bring myself to say the same to her.

[sithkabobed]

Because the Order is your life, Obi-Wan.

[...Was. Was his life.]

[The Jedi Order is no more, not here in Empatheias, and not back home for Obi-Wan, either. It's a sobering reality that is so farfetched that Qui-Gon has to remind himself constantly that this is the fate of the people and code he'd grown to love with every fiber of his being.]

Would you have been able to leave it all behind for her? Would you have been able to throw away everything you've ever known without resenting her for it in the long run?

Be honest with yourself.

[Qui-Gon is careful not to accuse Obi-Wan of anything. The man in front of him is his own person capable of making his own decisions, and Qui-Gon can't judge him for said decisions. Instead, his words are meant to guide Obi-Wan into considering other aspects that aren't always explored when it comes to rather messy affairs of the heart. Aspects that Qui-Gon has had time to think about himself, following his own brush with love and how it could have interfered with his own life in the Order.]

[hadthehighground]

[Was his life, and in some ways still is. It was on him to make sure the Jedi continued. Something that he would pass on to Luke. The Order was still important to him even if it didn't exist here or at home. Just... not in the same way.

What Qui-Gon said next though drew a solemn, thoughtful silence. His eyes staring down at his hands for a few moments before looking up again.]

There was a time when I would have. When we left her on Mandalore, if she had asked, I would have stayed. I would have left the Order.

...

Part of me had hoped she would.

[But she didn't, and he knew it was for his sake. Perhaps because she thought he might have resented her for it.]

But in the long run... no. I couldn't leave you, and I couldn't leave Anakin.

[And yet he remembered how heart broken he was.]

[sithkabobed]

[He's known Obi-Wan for long enough to tell when he's given due thought to a predicament and, even though this question is one that requires sessions upon sessions of meditation in itself, he trusts that the foundation has been set.]

And she understood that, just as she understood your feelings for her.

You both knew you cared for one another up until the end. That alone is an immense comfort.

[hadthehighground]

[Obi-Wan's eyes lifted again at that. His final moments with Satine running through his mind. She had it clear how she had felt, even with her last breath. So that he wouldn't forget.

He had wondered and hoped she knew how he felt as well. But... wasn't her words an acknowledgement of that?

The damp musty smell in the room started to fade.]

Yes... yes it is.