hadthehighground | Empatheias IC Inbox

Anakin remained silent for some additional moments, watching the other man sit up beside him.

"I...." he tried, then started again.

"It'll be a year soon... Since I came here, right?" A year according to the local time measurement.

And then a frown settled on his face "That means... Selenium will be soon." He fell silent again, his eyes shifting to look into the darkness ahead of him.

"...if was last Selenium that I saw Vader. And Master Windu. I keep seeing them in my dreams."

Patiently listening to Anakin talk, Obi-Wan nodded. It had been almost a year since he arrived hasn't it? And what a difference a year has made for him. He has come a long way from where he was when first arriving.

However, he also remembered the Selenium event. That particular part had been hard on both of them.

"I didn't realize that was still bothering you," he said quietly. Perhaps he should have, and addressed it before now. He felt a little guilty for that.

"You're still afraid you might become that. If not here, then at home."

A year, indeed. And what a year... Anakin wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his chin on them.

"I'm never not worried about that, Obi-Wan." he admitted, looking ahead into the darkness "I've lost control over myself more often than you know of, and Master Windu..."

Anakin let the name hang in the air for a moment, a deep frown settling on his face before he turned his head to look over at Obi-Wan.

"...do you even know that I helped Palpatine kill him?" He wasn't sure. He simply didn't remember if he had ever mentioned this to Obi-Wan - Or to anyone for the matter. He had assisted in the murder of a member of the Jedi Council - and had delivered two more to the blade of a dangerous Sith Lord.

Scooting closer, Obi-Wan placed a reassuring hand on Anakin’s back.

“No, I didn’t,” he said quietly. “I heard he had been killed in the assassination attempt, but there was no details.”

There hadn’t been time to figure all of that out. Most Jedi had met a similar fate anyway.

“Why did you do it, Anakin? What happened that day?”

Maybe talking about it and airing out his feelings would help.

Anakin's eyes remained on Obi-Wan and for a moment he thought about how to go on about this. Eventually, he sighed.

"...I wish you had been there. To keep me at bay. Or rather: If I had been allowed to go with you. Just away from it all."

This didn't exactly answer Obi-Wan's question, but at least it was a start to get Anakin talking.

"Master Windu had ordered me to stay at the Temple while the Council went to Palpatine to arrest him. But I... I just couldn't sit there and do nothing. I knew that they might kill the Chancellor and with him..." he looked down "...and with him my only chance to save Padmé."

A lie, as Anakin knew now.

"So I went and interfered."

He paused there for Obi-Wan to take in the information.

“I have wished the same. Many times.”

It was in his absence that Anakin had fallen. He had to wonder if he had been there, or taken Anakin with him, things might have been different. Or perhaps just prolonged.

“So... you killed Master Windu to spare Palpatine.”

There was a soft sigh from the older Jedi. A sad sound, full of remorse and pain.

“And that guilt is what haunts you?”

It had been Obi-Wan who had held Anakin back before. Who had grounded him and talked sense into him when he was getting way too emotional to think clearly. staying back on Coruscant while his former teacher was sent away had left him to deal with everything that was piling up way over his head all by himself.

"When I arrived, Master Windu had the Chancellor pinned down. I saw an old man begging for his life and a Jedi Master raising his lightsaber to strike down the man that had been a close friend to me ever since I came to Coruscant." Anakin gave more detail to the event, yet didn't look at Obi-Wan "I knew that Palpatine was the Sith Lord. He had told me. I have seen him use his Force Lightning against Master Windu. I knew exactly whom I was saving..."

"I made a decision that costs the lives of countless Jedi. And all that after Master Windu himself told me he trusted me." That detail alone only made it worse. He had just finally gained the Jedi Master's trust, then went to betray him and everyone else.

"...if only it were possible to go back... To do things differently..."

The sadness only continued to weigh heavier on Obi-Wan as he listened. It was a tragic tale, one that he hadn’t had a full picture of at the time they met again on Mustafar. However, they didn’t really have a chance to talk things out there. The deeds had all been done and Anakin had already lost himself completely to the dark side. Here things were different.

“I can see why you were so conflicted.”

His voice was one of understanding, not judgement.

“You were used and manipulated by him. Pressured to making a decision based on your emotions in a split moment. It’s... my fault really for not having realized what he was doing sooner. For not protecting you.”

If only they could go back indeed.

“But we can not dwell on the past or the what-ifs. We have to move forward with a hope that things can be better. You have already made great strides in that direction.”

Used and manipulated. By a man he considered a friend. By a man he trusted with more of his secrets than he should have...

"...I was a fool for trusting him so much." Anakin muttered, then finally turned his head towards Obi-Wan, searching the man's eyes "I was a fool for trusting him more than I trusted you. But I know that now."

Now. Now he understood why Obi-Wan had such a bad feeling regarding the Chancellor. And that he should have trusted the Jedi more.

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot."

A light sigh and Obi-Wan’s expression softened. Anakin certainly had made some poor decisions, and he had a better understanding of why. Still, the repentant words meant a lot.

“And I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend. That you couldn’t feel safe trusting me.”

He had his own regrets clearly, but maybe... hopefully, they could put this behind them and heal each other’s wounds. So with that, Obi-Wan leaned back and held out an arm to him in an offered embrace.

“Come.”

At last, the younger man found it in him to smile again. It was a small, a shy smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"How do I even deserve you..." he muttered, more to himself, but very willingly accepted the older man's offer for simple, physical closeness.

Lying back down as well, Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan and let himself be pulled into the embrace while at the same time returning it, telling himself and his mind to relax once more and just enjoy the soothing experience to be close to this man he loved so much.

His smile broadened as the offer was accepted, though he had little reason to believe it wouldn’t be. Pulling him over, he let Anakin’s head rest against his chest. His arms also going around the man he loved just as deeply. Also allowing his presence in the Force to wrap around Anakin in a soothing manner. Just as he pulled the blanket over them.

“Now, get some rest, dear one.”

A kiss was placed on Anakin’s brow.

“Good night.”

Comfortable and settled in, he then closed his eyes to allow himself to drift off again as well.

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