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[Ezra nods.] I agree, this is hopeful. If there were damage to the brain tissue itself that was too great - there may be other healers here who could help beyond natural regeneration, but there only is so much Master Kenobi and I could do for you. On a physical level, our healing abilities mostly speed along natural healing, you've had plenty of time for your body to do what it can, there.

If it is more a block within the mind, or perhaps the result of some outside influence on you, that we should at the very least be able to detect. Hopefully, find a way to help you resolve.

Yes, exactly.

[With something that did a complete wipe, like a mind flayer, there would be no hope. At least not with their abilities, but they might be able to work with this. Which makes Obi-Wan feel more confident in the possible attempt.]

Though I will need to warn you that any attempt would require us to look into your mind. That may sound invasive, and it certainly can be. Though we will do everything we can to maintain your privacy and comfort. Unfortunately, there are some things we may not be able to avoid. There are always uncertainties and risks with attempting something like this, not all of which is predictable. But I can assure you that if we sense anything wrong we will pull back immediately.

With that said, we will need your explicit consent. We will also need you to stay as calm as possible. If you do wish to go through with this, and then decide to stop, tell us at any time.

Edited 2024-04-10 16:48 (UTC)

Ah...

[Ingo's face remains as impassive as always, but his tone's definitely nervous. He doesn't...particularly want other people in his mind.

But this is for Emmet's sake. It does not matter what he feels about it, not when he's the source of Emmet's pain.]

Yes, of course. I am willing.

[Ezra is not oblivious to Ingo's nerves; he would be surprised if anyone in this situation weren't a little conflicted.

That's fine. Everyone is allowed their feelings, but they do not have to be all and end all of one's choices. So Ezra takes him at his word.]

Ok. I think that's enough for us to...agree to begin. [But neither should feelings be completely ignored! The balance between these two truths are, at least as far as Ezra's understanding, in many ways the essence of Jedi practice.] The next step is Master Kenobi and I, centering ourselves, so we can as calm as possible and focused before examining your mind. As Obi-Wan said, as much is possible for you to center yourself, that would be helpful as well.

It's...difficult to predict would you might or might not sense from us, when we make contact. Everyone is different. But again, if at any point you want to stop or slow down, say stop. Or think it loudly. Or tap the floor three times. We won't override your consent, but we will exercise our judgement if we feel it's wiser to come to a halt as well.

[No empathic spirals here, today, if they can help it!]

[Looking to Ezra, Obi-Wan gives a nod of agreement and approval for them to continue. He then turns his attention back to Ingo.]

My recommendation is that you close your eyes and breathe deeply to help you relax.

[The Jedi then demonstrates by doing that himself. Closing his eyes he breathes deeply and settles into the embrace of the Force. Allowing any apprehension or doubt flow out of him.]

...very well.

[Ingo closes his eyes and imitates Obi-Wan's breathing. It's a little difficult to relax - he's nervous about the prospect of this whole thing to begin with, and more than that, there is so much riding on this. Fixing his memories is the only way he'll ever be allowed to openly associate with Emmet. They've agreed to meet secretly again, but that can't be a permanent solution, right? Sooner or later, if Ingo doesn't improve, things will reach another breaking point...

Relax. He's supposed to be relaxing.]

[If only Ezra knew what Ingo was thinking, or he might stop everything right there, to try to figure out what in the world Ingo means, with most of that train of thought.

But he does not rush to try to touch Ingo's thoughts directly, immediately. He takes his time, letting his own nerves flow out and settle before he reaches, first for Obi-Wan.]

[Obi-Wan also isn’t focusing on Ingo at the moment as he’s busy centering himself. Preparing for what they were about to do. It doesn’t take him long though to reach a state of complete calm. Opening himself up to the Force and easily feeling Ezra reach for him.

He reaches back, opening a line of communication between them. It also served as an anchor between them. To keep them grounded as well so to combine their efforts.

When he feels they’re both ready, Obi-Wan then reaches a hand towards Ingo. Directing to the Force to touch Ingo’s mind. Gently at first as he didn’t want to surprise the man or make it feel intrusive.]

[Ingo has braced himself - trying not to close himself off mentally to the process, but also genuinely unsure how that would even be done in the first place, and mostly very nervous. He wasn't sure what it would feel like. Alakazam has tried to work with his memories in the past, but that hadn't felt like much at all. He suspects psychic Pokemon and Jedi operate in rather different ways.

When it comes, it's at least gentle. It feels sort of warm, even, in a way that he wouldn't really be able to describe. Ingo isn't sure what he's supposed to do beyond trying to relax, so he tries to sort of ignore the presence, like someone rather embarrassed and trying not to get in the way.]

[Ezra reaches to Ingo as well, finally. And while he does not have the sheer depth of Obi-Wan's experience, these sorts of connections are where Ezra's natural talents shine, and this not Ezra's first rodeo, so it is not difficult for him to keep his presence equally light.

Out loud, because some people find mind to mind verbal communication jarring-]

I think - Ingo, can your earliest clear memories? Bring them forward, in your mind?

Oh! [We're allowed to speak out loud during this? He supposes they never really said he couldn't; it just seemed like that would be the rule.] Um - yes, of course.

[He focuses on his first memory. It's his arrival in Hisui. He simply became aware of himself standing in a barren white landscape. The first breath he took burned his throat and made his eyes water from the bitter cold. He drew his coat close around himself, tucking hands in armpits. None of it did anything to warm him up at all. Snow was still falling.

How did he get there? There wasn't anyone around, no people or Pokemon. Ingo had felt very strange then, blank and detached from himself. Without much thought, he'd just started stumbling along in a random direction.]

[Obi-Wan's brows furrow a bit as he concentrates on these memories that Ingo is recalling. They seem pretty vivid as the Jedi tries to make sense of what he's seeing and feeling.]

This was just after the incident.

[Saying this as much to himself as the others. The confusion and disorientation of the time is clear. He then speaks to Ezra through their bond.]

As best I can tell, there seems to be nothing wrong with his memory in itself.

[His brain seemed to be in working order.]

Ingo, can you now think about the memories that have surfaced from before this? Anything at all. Nothing is too small.

Ah...yes, but there is not much...

[Ingo thinks back. There isn't much to these memories. First, a general impression of fire - safe, helpful, a friend. It's tied up with a much clearer recollection of walking through a tunnel alongside a young woman and a Pokemon wreathed in purple flame, but that has the feel of something more concrete and recent.]

I had an impression that I'd had a fire-type partner in the past. I thought it might have been a Typhlosion, like Miss Akari's, since that was what made me think of it...but I'm told I was incorrect.

[By Emmet, of course; who else could tell him? There's a similarly vague impression of a man - someone Ingo was speaking to about battle, though he cannot recall the specific topic, or even the sound of the man's voice. It's a jumble of feelings more than any sort of actual scene. He's certain that they look alike, but there's no images to draw that judgement from. It's just something he knew. The only thing he knew; he hadn't had any idea how they might resemble each other. If pressed, he might have guessed that they had similar haircuts. It was never strong enough to think that they might be identical twins.

Of course, he knows who Emmet is now. There's a wealth of regret and shame, and of course his memory of what Emmet actually does look like - but he tries not to think about that. That isn't the point.]

[Fire has often not been a friend in Ezra's life (Kanan wreathed in the explosion he was holding back. Anakin burning. Vader dragging Obi-Wan through fire.)

But he lets none of those memories slip out, and focuses on the friendly feeling the Ingo recalls. Despite his own experiences, fire is not bad.

And then he notices-]

Why shame? [The why's behind emotions are often hard to unravel, even when in this sort of contact.]

[Quietly shifting through Ingo’s vague memories, Obi-Wan analyzes each one. He’s a bit preoccupied and doesn’t notice the shame right away. Not until Ezra brings it up.

So he waits for Ingo’s response to that question.]

[Ingo cringes, visibly and mentally. He'd sort of hoped we could just pass that by.]

I...

[There's too many reasons to get into at this point. Frankly, Ingo himself can't entirely keep track of them all. He swallows, and tries to condense it all down into something that sounds both simple and reasonable (though he certainly can't look reasonable in front of these two, not after his terrible behavior in their home, and he quickly shoves aside the guilt and shame he feels about that - ).]

I should not have forgotten him.

[Ezra remains quiet for a moment, debating how to respond.]

...I forgot my brother for a little while. [His gaze darts to Obi-Wan, who he offers a rueful smile. Yes, he means Obi-Wan. Ben. Whatever.]

And my foster sister and the people who took us in- everything in my life past about age 13, I think. Maybe a little younger. I was actually 20 at the time.

Now, I was very, very lucky. The sight of my brother's face - [And again he is simplifying here, because his relationship with the Obi-Wan Kenobi of Trench was a little different, for all they were family. But with the bits of memories that had clicked back into place, he was definitely thinking 'brother'.]

Brought just enough back to remember that I could trust him, and we figured out that it was something...actually fixable, because a creature was actively trying to take memories from me. If hadn't felt that I could trust him, I probably run away and hidden, and I am pretty good at hiding, so that could have been quite a mess.

It was sort of like the Trials here, so there was zombies, and fighting, and magic involved. [He waves a hand dismissively.] Long story.

I had pretty complicated feelings just about that, like, couple of weeks. A boat load of embarrassment, definitely. [Part of his embarrassment is how hard he'd clung to the memory of his brother when that man did not share those memories, for all Master Kenobi of Trench had been gentle, and tried not to confuse him, reiterating that they were family and there was nothing to be ashamed of.] And there's only so much the comparison holds, I'm sure.

[He pauses again.]

It wasn't my fault. This isn't yours. [And it wasn't Obi-Wan, or Luke, or Leia or any one else he loves' fault that they kept meeting out of order and Ezra kept having re-introduce himself and figure out what sort of relationship they could have.]

Some things are beyond our control.

[Obi-Wan lets Ezra talk, catching that smile and returning it. Though with Ingo distracted he closes his eyes and tries to delve deeper into his mind. Looking for anomalies and anything this conversation might trigger. He and Ezra are a team after all.

But he still listens while he searches. Hoping that Ingo might take his brother’s words to heart. Words that he had to remind himself of sometimes.]

Edited 2024-05-19 02:25 (UTC)

[Ingo listens with interest, even if it does mingle with some confusion once zombies and magic get thrown into the mix. He hasn't really met other people with memory loss. Technically, if Ezra recovered, he still hasn't. But it is interesting to hear another account.]

...but you remembered him when you saw him again. Perhaps not fully, but enough. I couldn't manage even that much.

[A brief flash of his disastrous first meeting with Emmet - just standing there trying to make awkward conversation while his brother sobbed at him, because he hadn't even realized he was real and not some creation of the Fox. Ingo's disgusted with himself. And even if not then, to not have remembered a single thing in the months since...well, it's really no wonder Bo-Katan finally decided to take action.]

I had always thought I might, if I ever met anyone I had known. But of course not.

[A good brother, someone who really cared enough, would have remembered.]

[Ezra sighs softly-]

I don't believe it was any virtue of mine, it was just the way it happened. Another day or so of that creature feeding off memories, and it might not have gone that way. [Although he can't be sure. Connections in the Force between sensitives can be strange things, not entirely linear or quantifiable, and might have served as some sort of anchor point he instinctively clung to, even if he didn't have a single conscious memory.

But it was certainly no fault of Ingo's that he isn't literally psychic.]

[With his eyes still closed and concentrating, Obi-Wan continues to poke around Ingo’s mind. Focusing on the connections his emotions are having to his situation.]

Might I suggest something?

[This said as Obi-Wan slowly starts to withdraw and then opens his eyes.]

It’s a well known fact in our society, and others, that emotions have a deep impact on the psyche. It can make the difference between a Jedi staying true to their path, or veering into the darkness and going astray. Your thoughts, your feelings, your memories, they are not separate. They are interconnected and affect each other because they are each a part of a whole. Your mind.

[Sitting straight, Obi-Wan now folds his hands in his lap. Letting out a soft sigh as he tries to sort through his own thoughts and everything he witnessed.]

I do not believe there is anything Ezra and I can do here. Your mind is functioning as it should. My belief is that you are unwittingly hindering yourself. And not because you’re not good enough, no, rather because you think that way. You are creating conflict in yourself with your feelings of doubt and low self worth. On top of that, trying to force your brain into remembering things while it is dealing with this conflict. Until you manage to find peace within yourself, you likely will not be able to access those memories.

I see.

[Ingo's disappointed, but he's not terribly surprised. He'd known from the beginning that this was probably a long shot. Frankly, he's a little disgusted with himself for having asked at all - once again, he's wasting these good peoples' time and effort.]

Well, thank you for trying, in any case.

[That seems to be the end of it? He opens his eyes, glancing between them to make sure that no one is still...telepathically in his mind or anything before he rises to go.]

Now hold on.

[He’s not done with you yet sir.]

Don’t take this as a loss or failure. It’s not. Rather, look at this as having a better understanding of yourself and your situation. I’ve learned a great deal by searching your mind, which I assure you will remain confidential between the three of us. But I do have some suggestions on how to proceed if you wish to hear them.

[It is, extremely literally, a failure. They attempted something and failed. It's the dictionary definition.

Ingo keeps that to himself.]

Of course.

[Obi-Wan might no longer be probing the depths of Ingo’s mind, but he’s still very much aware of what Ingo is thinking.]

You need to stop thinking like that for one.

[There is no hiding in this moment. With Obi-Wan’s senses still blown wide open as they are.]

If you want to recover, if you want to be the good brother that you so long to be, you must change your thinking. There is no other way. You see, many of the truths that we cling to vary greatly on our own point of view. To change your reality, you must alter yours. It’s a fundamental Jedi teaching but it applies to everyone.

You can start by using meditation techniques. I can teach you how. But it will not work if you don’t stop this nonsense that’s going on in your head. It won’t be easy of course, you will have to work at it. I’m willing to hold you accountable for this as well, to help you in your progress. It may not be the quick fix that we wanted, but there is hope. If you are willing to try.

Edited 2024-05-27 17:46 (UTC)

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